This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
