we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
