I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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