Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
