Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
