She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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