You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
