I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
