ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
