I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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