Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
