"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
