mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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