in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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