The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize