It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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