I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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