Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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