Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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