I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
