Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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