I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
