I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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