He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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