are you still at the devil's house?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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