i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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