I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
