Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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