Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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