New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
