You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
