meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
