First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
