I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
