Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
