i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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