I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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