my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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