I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
