My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
