apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize