Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
