im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
