What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
