Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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