So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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