I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you never un-have a 4some
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
