In the future we'll all be gay
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
