I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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