Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
