And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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