do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
