Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
