your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
