I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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