im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
