oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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