is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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