just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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