yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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