Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
