oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
