She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
