I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
