Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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