you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
