you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
