i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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