I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
