Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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