i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
