I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize