My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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