The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
