By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
