shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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