Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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