I just pynch a tree in the face
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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