i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
